And no, not this kind of frog...So, I've wanted to blog like all summer, but never could think of anything, but I finally got that "ohmygosh I feel a blog coming on" moment tonight when I was driving home from Starbucks. Like honestly, I haven't had that feeling since March. Going over 5 months without inspiration is kind of sucky, and definitely irritating, but my blogging dry spell is (hopefully) over!!
Tonight, like every other Monday night since before school started, I went to Starbucks to hang out with Hannah because that's what we do. Lately, we've actually been getting into some really good conversations that make me not want to leave, despite the fact that it usually gets pretty close to 10 before I even consider leaving. We were talking about church and small groups and all that jazz, and about this last like year or so. Half of the time, we end up bouncing ideas off of each other, and it's been pretty cool seeing how God is working through that, and that's probably the main reason why I keep going (that, and the fact that it's Starbucks-uhduh!!-and Hannah.) After she told me about life, and I gave her some pretty dang good ideas (if I do say so myself) and hopefully gave her something to think about, we moved onto my life and church and stuff. If you know me, there's a really good chance you know that second semester last year was pretty difficult in a lot of ways for me. Starting in January, it was a constant cycle of me asking "Why, God?!" and "Why aren't you hearing me?" when I should have been saying something more along the lines of "God, show me what you're doing in my life and help me use this to rely on you more." That's actually been one thing that I've been reminded of time and time again, and somehow it never really clicks. Naturally, I'm a really social person; I love being around people, and I'm always looking to them for advice. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but I think a lot of times I look to people before God because I want that immediate, physical answer, rather than trying to listen to God and find out what he's trying to tell me. So Hannah and I were talking about it and she was like "You know, maybe God let this happen so you could rely on Him more." Like not like he was doing it solely because of that, because obviously it's not all about me, but it was definitely something he wanted me to get out of it. (And yes, I know I'm using a lot of vague pronouns, but if you've read pretty much any of my blogs since January, you know what I'm talking about.)
I still believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think that reason is more clear to me now. Actually, I'm pretty sure God's been trying to tell me this for a while, and looking back at some of the stuff I wrote in my journal at OGN definitely ties into this. After the first night, I wrote about how I felt like God wanted me to loosen the grips on some of my relationships, and focus on Him more because He is constant, while people aren't, but to be honest, I never really did anything further to work on that. It's also crazy because one of my "resolutions" for this new school year was to not -and I hate to use this wording, but I can't think of any other way to say it- expect much from people, because humans will be humans, and we can be disappointing at times. I was tired of having certain expectations, and having them broken or whatever, so I made it one of my goals this year to not "expect" as much out of people. Then, of course, as I was thinking about that tonight, it all kind of tied in together. I need to rely more fully on God and less on people, hence the title of this blog, FROG (Fully Rely On God.) And no, I didn't come up with that one...unfortunately.
It feels great blogging again, and of course I had to make this super long. And on a side note, tonight also reminded me of why I want to be a high school leader later in life; I kind of got a glimpse into the future when I was talking to Hannah and bouncing ideas off of her. I have a lot to work on now, and I know it's going to be a struggle, but as long as I strive to rely more on God and less on people every day, I think I'll do pretty well...
