Just a bunch of jumbled mush

I have so much homework to do by Thursday, like it's not even funny.
I need to go to the gym or something today, or else I'm really going to regret going to Starbucks later.
Mondays without Starbs and Hannah are like incomplete.
Not looking forward to this rhetorical analysis.  Doesn't it just sound so fun?
PSAT tomorrow.  Whoopdefreakingdo.
I am so ridiculously sleep deprived, it's not even funny.
Scotty's Christmas album is just AMAZING.  Word's can't describe how happy it makes me.
Haunted Forest next week is going to be THEbomb.com.
I can't believe I just said thebomb.com...
A mongoose can totally kick a cobra's butt in a fight...
However, Jordyn Weiber's toes could beat basically anyone; and they could also crack walnuts.
CHRISTMAS NEEDS TO HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!  Ohmygosh I love Christmas sooo much!!
Fresno confuses the HECK out of me.  WHY is it like almost 90 this week?!
Last week's weather = PERFECTION, because everyone knows that sweater weather is better weather.
I need to stop worrying about the future and stuff...
...BUT at the same time, I need to figure out what the heck I'm doing with my life after high school.
Life after high school is rapidly approaching, and that thought alone scares me.
Honey badger don't care.
Aaaaaaaaaand that is all...time to go be productive

Searching for That "Reason"

"I don't know why bad things happen to us, but I have to believe that something good is going to come out of this. I don't know what that is. I really wish I did." This is probably one of my favorite lines in Soul Surfer, and I feel like I've gotten into conversations like this a lot lately.

Big or small, crappy things happen; it's a part of life. God always has a reason behind everything he puts us through, even if we can't see that reason at first. A lot of times, he wants to use us in ways he couldn't in a place we are comfortable in. I've found that he really likes pushing us out of our comfort zone, especially when we've become so accustomed to the way our life is going. Sometimes, in order to make us into the people he wants us to be, God has to first take us, break us, and mold us into something new. It's in these times when all we want to do is break down under the pressure that we need to pray continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18). Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Nothing happens that God doesn't know about. He has a plan, and although he may not reveal it all at once, he still occasionally gives us bits of his will for our lives. The process we sometimes have to go through in order to become the person he wants us to be may totally suck. It may yank us from anything and everything familiar, and it may feel like we've hit rock bottom, but the only place you can go from rock bottom is up. God is with us every step of the way, guiding and carrying us through this roller coaster we call life.

Press on even when it hurts and use the struggles to learn to rely on God more. Don't lose hope, and keep searching for that "reason." Despite how rocky the road may be, keep your head up because you are so so SO freaking loved. I swear you WILL figure out why all of this is happening if you let God lead you to it. Also remember that I'm here through every step of this crazy journey over the next few years. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! He has overcome the world." (John 16:33)

FROG

And no, not this kind of frog...

So, I've wanted to blog like all summer, but never could think of anything, but I finally got that "ohmygosh I feel a blog coming on" moment tonight when I was driving home from Starbucks.  Like honestly, I haven't had that feeling since March.  Going over 5 months without inspiration is kind of sucky, and definitely irritating, but my blogging dry spell is (hopefully) over!!

Tonight, like every other Monday night since before school started, I went to Starbucks to hang out with Hannah because that's what we do.  Lately, we've actually been getting into some really good conversations that make me not want to leave, despite the fact that it usually gets pretty close to 10 before I even consider leaving.  We were talking about church and small groups and all that jazz, and about this last like year or so.  Half of the time, we end up bouncing ideas off of each other, and it's been pretty cool seeing how God is working through that, and that's probably the main reason why I keep going (that, and the fact that it's Starbucks-uhduh!!-and Hannah.)  After she told me about life, and I gave her some pretty dang good ideas (if I do say so myself) and hopefully gave her something to think about, we moved onto my life and church and stuff.  If you know me, there's a really good chance you know that second semester last year was pretty difficult in a lot of ways for me.  Starting in January, it was a constant cycle of me asking "Why, God?!" and "Why aren't you hearing me?" when I should have been saying something more along the lines of "God, show me what you're doing in my life and help me use this to rely on you more."  That's actually been one thing that I've been reminded of time and time again, and somehow it never really clicks.  Naturally, I'm a really social person; I love being around people, and I'm always looking to them for advice.  I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but I think a lot of times I look to people before God because I want that immediate, physical answer, rather than trying to listen to God and find out what he's trying to tell me.  So Hannah and I were talking about it and she was like "You know, maybe God let this happen so you could rely on Him more."  Like not like he was doing it solely because of that, because obviously it's not all about me, but it was definitely something he wanted me to get out of it.  (And yes, I know I'm using a lot of vague pronouns, but if you've read pretty much any of my blogs since January, you know what I'm talking about.)

I still believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think that reason is more clear to me now.  Actually, I'm pretty sure God's been trying to tell me this for a while, and looking back at some of the stuff I wrote in my journal at OGN definitely ties into this.  After the first night, I wrote about how I felt like God wanted me to loosen the grips on some of my relationships, and focus on Him more because He is constant, while people aren't, but to be honest, I never really did anything further to work on that.  It's also crazy because one of my "resolutions" for this new school year was to not -and I hate to use this wording, but I can't think of any other way to say it- expect much from people, because humans will be humans, and we can be disappointing at times.  I was tired of having certain expectations, and having them broken or whatever, so I made it one of my goals this year to not "expect" as much out of people.  Then, of course, as I was thinking about that tonight, it all kind of tied in together.  I need to rely more fully on God and less on people, hence the title of this blog, FROG (Fully Rely On God.)  And no, I didn't come up with that one...unfortunately.

It feels great blogging again, and of course I had to make this super long.  And on a side note, tonight also reminded me of why I want to be a high school leader later in life; I kind of got a glimpse into the future when I was talking to Hannah and bouncing ideas off of her.  I have a lot to work on now, and I know it's going to be a struggle, but as long as I strive to rely more on God and less on people every day, I think I'll do pretty well...

Reading Through the Archives

Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Letting God take control of everything in your life can be REALLY scary, and I'm not just saying that.  I struggle with this daily, and fail most of the time.  It's extremely difficult to not have control of what's going to happen day to day, and as much as I like to think that I can control my life, I really can't in the end.  Trusting God to make everything work out has been a HUGE struggle over the last year and a half for me.  I know what I want to happen, and for some weird reason I think that I can control everything, when in reality, I can't, but GOD can.

‎"...trusting God means learning to let go of each moment so I am free to fully inhabit the next one. There is simply no call for me to try to control people or outcomes. Someone far better is already on that job." - John Ortberg

So, I guess I meant to post this right before New Years, but I'm kind of glad I didn't.  I was going through my drafts earlier, and found this post.  I think at this point in my life, I basically knew what was coming, even if everyone else didn't, but I'm stronger because of it.  Reading this has been an amazing reminder, especially with OGN coming in 2 days, but more blogs about THAT later!!

More Randomness

I just realized how long it's been since I've done an actual blog.  My life has been SOO crazy lately, and I can never find time to write; or think of anything to write, for that matter.  In 2 weeks my life is going to get 7458687673453876 times easier (THANK GOD!!)  This year's gone by ridiculously fast.  It's just starting to hit me that I'm going to be a junior soon.  I still have to tell myself that I'm 16 and can drive soon...very, very soon...
I am NOT looking forward to finals AT ALL, but it's life.  And sometimes life sucks a little bit, but finals means summer, which means freedom and the beach, so everything works out, right?  I'm super excited for this summer because honestly, I have no idea what it's going to bring, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be amazing!!

Pure Boredom and Procrastination...

1. Name - Jenna Schapansky
2. Nickname - JBear, J, Jtown, Jschap, Schapants (no joke), little narwhal (don't ask...)
3. Elementary school - Los Gatos Christian, Greenbrook, Neil Armstrong, and century
4. Tall or short - Average?
5. Sweats or jeans - SHORTS
6. Orange or apple - Tangerines
7. Do you have a crush on someone - does Scotty from Idol count...?
8. Eat or drink - Yes
9. Piercings - doubles on both ears
10. Pepsi or coke - Coke

Have you ever...
11. Been in an airplane? Yes
12. Been in a relationship? Been like thisclose to it...
13. Been in a car accident? Nope!!  Knock on wood...
14. Been in a fist fight? BAHAHA.  NO.  I'd lose.  The end.

Firsts & lasts
15. First piercing - I was like 9
16. First best friend - NIKKI
17. First award - I have no idea
18. First crush - El. Oh. El. Chad in kindergarten
19. First word - Duck.  No lies.
20. Last person you talked to in person - My dad...or brother.
21. Last person you texted - Ali
22. Last friend you watched a movie with - HUNGER GAMES with my dad, brother, Haley, and Brian
23. Last food you ate - M&M's
24. Last movie you watched in theaters - "May the odds be ever in your favor..."
25. Last song you listened to - Wind Beneath My Wings by Skylar Laine
26. Last thing you bought - Starbucks...
27. Last person you hugged - My parents?

Favorites
28. Food? Pizza
29. Drink? Pretty much anything from Starbucks.  Or Cranberry grapefruit Sobe
30. Flower? Hawaiian
31. Animal? Polar bears and narwhals....DUHHHHHH
32. Color? The color of my walls...and my sheets
33. Place? Point Loma, hands down.  And Hume, and Paso
34. Movie? Parent Trap, Hunger Games, and Mean Girls
35. Subject? I hate school

Have you ever ...
36. Fallen in love with someone? Nope
37. Celebrated Halloween? I am American, aren't I?
38. Went over the minutes/texts on your phone? I don't think so?
39. Wanted to smack someone upside the head? Pretty much every day
40. Eaten a whole pizza? No...
41. Did something you regret? Yeahh
42. Broke a promise? I'm human
43. Hid a secret? Same answer as above
44. Pretend to be happy? Doesn't everyone?

Your future...
45. Want kids? Of course
46. Want to get married? Absolutely!!
47. Career? I still have no idea...

Which is better in the opposite gender?
48. Lips or eyes - Eyes, no question about it
49. Shorter or taller - Taller, obv
50. Romantic or spontaneous - YES
51. Hook up or relationship - Relationship.  Someone please tell me why this is a question!!!!!!!!
52. Looks or personality - Both, please?

Have you ever...
53. Lost glasses/contacts? Sunglasses
54. Snuck out? Nope
55. Held a gun/knife for self defense? No
56. Broke someones heart? I really don't think so
57. Been in love? Nope
58. Been arrested? Well, um about that one.....no.

Do you believe in...
59. Yourself; I try
60. Miracles; absolutely
61. Love at first sight; I'd have to see it to believe it
62. Santa; Who doesn't?!?!
63. Forever & Always; until the day I die

TRUTHFULLY
64. Is there one person you want to be with right now: I can name a few
65. Who your real friends are: just when I think I know, something changes
66. Who makes you smile just by thinking about them: Pretty much all of my friends
67. Who is your best friend(s): Ali and Chels
68. Boy you trust the most: Let one of them prove it to me, then I'll tell you

Tying Loose Ends

Today was seriously one of the best days ever!!  Haley and I got to get up really early this morning and drive over to Paso Robles with my mom.  I've been looking forward to this for at least a month now, and it's crazy how fast time has passed.  I'm pretty sure the second we drove up to Alyssa's house Haley and I were busting up laughing, and the laughter really never subsided.  We had a crazy day full of driving, eating, shopping, yelling at the sun, taking TONS of pictures, freezing our butts off at the beach, watching movies, and more eating.  It was soooooo much fun, but I didn't know I'd actually learn something...

So, a couple months ago I had to deal with the whole moving thing and it totally sucked.  I knew that God had a plan and that it obviously happened for a reason, but I didn't know the exact reason.  That is, until today.  We were driving home from Morro Bay, and Long Live by Taylor Swift came on.  About a year ago, we officially dubbed this our song for senior year, and high school in general, so every time I hear the song, I kind of freak out.  (And a little side note, I totally didn't have that song on repeat while writing this or anything...) When the song started playing Alyssa just looked at me and was like, "Do you remember what I said about this and your senior year?"  And obviously I remembered; I remember pretty much everything.  Anyways, as the song was playing, and I was looking out the window, staring at the hills (and fog), and kind of just thinking about the last year or so and everything we had done today.  And all of a sudden, BAM, it hit me.  If she hadn't moved, today wouldn't have happened, like AT ALL.  We wouldn't have had a ride all day to drive us from beach to beach.  We wouldn't have had anywhere to go crash when it was too cold to do anything, and I probably would've been sitting in class, bored out of my mind.  I finally have something to do over the summer, and somewhere to escape when I need a break from Fresno, which kinda happens a lot.  It sucks not having Alyssa in town, and I still have those "ohmygosh I miss you; why aren't you still here?!" moments, but at the same time there are SOO many more opportunities now.  Sometimes, God can give us parts of answers at the weirdest times...

Change

The last few weeks have been totally crazy and not that fantastic.  There's been too much change for my liking, and if you know me, you know that I really do NOT like changes.  I was super comfortable with the way my life was going at the end of 2011, and I'm guessing that why God decided to shake it up.  It's kind of scary because all of this is going back to a few of the nights at OGN over 6 months ago.  At OGN, I told God that I wanted Him to have total control of my life, and he was free to do whatever he wanted in my life and completely shake it up.  Little did I know that he would mess with some of my closest friendships that week.  Once the week was over, I guess I thought that he was done shaking things up, but guess what?  I was wrong.  Again.  A few days into the new year, he decided to shake things up again.  I found out one of my really good friends was moving in a few weeks, and I was NOT a happy child when I found out.  I guess part of me was scared of how everything would be after they were gone and another part of me really didn't want to go through what's happened many a time and totally lose touch with someone who was once one of the most important people in my life.  Having moved 3 times in 10 years, I've seen that happen a lot, and part of me regrets it, but if it's a true friendship, a few hundred miles really shouldn't make that much of a difference, as I have very quickly learned in the last 2 weeks.  

That's not really the point though.  I believe that God will shake things up just so you remember to fall back on Him at any time and in any situation.  No matter how big or small the problem is, He is always there even when people aren't.  I'm not saying to always be uncomfortable in your life just so God won't shake it up.  I've learned that with every trial He puts you through, there's a lesson to be learned.  Let God shake up your life.  Tell him to do something crazy in it because I can pretty much guarantee you that something even more amazing will come out of it.  

An Aweful Life

So, this past weekend my church, along with like 10 other churches from Fresno/Clovis/Madera went up to Hume Lake for winter camp.  It was seriously one of THE best weekends ever!!  Our speaker was HILARIOUS, the band was pretty much amazing, and it snowed all day Saturday.  Our Broom hockey team was really good, even though we didn't win (shout-out to Aubrie's Army!!) I mean, does YOUR team come up with strategy via chairs?  Yeeah, didn't think so.  This weekend definitely tested my patience, and things didn't go as planned starting BEFORE we left, but whatever, everything happens for a reason, right?  And I honestly wouldn't have wanted this weekend to go any other way...well, actually I would change a few things, but that's all in the past now!!  I also spent over a dollar to stand out in the freezing cold while it was snowing to call/leave semi-angry voicemails for my small group leader (you're welcome).  I learned a lot during chapel, and although it wasn't like OGN-status life changing, I still brought things back with me (just let that marinade for a second.)  It was a weekend full of growing, meeting new people, TONS of snow, and sooooooooooo much fun!!!!!!!!  I can't wait til next year when we WILL take the Kurth Cup Finals!!!!!!!!!

Aubrie's Army!!

The girls<3

Good morning! :D

Love them!

Hume Lake<3

Hey there snow

Bus rides are FUN

Sweet Relief

Finals are over!!!!!!
HUME THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to leave school at lunch tomorrow!!
I'm pretty happy right now :D

Surprise.

 

So, on Wednesday night, my co-conspirator Haley and I were up to something yet again.  We planned this whole surprise going away party in like 5 days and it went pretty smoothly if you ask me.  Even though it took us a while to find a room to use, and we had like 20 minutes to set up a room, blow up balloons, frost a cake, and get everyone to sign a massive card.  And, after A LOT of sneaking up and down stairs, we finally got to do some surprising.  None of this could have happened without the help of all the girls in our small group and a few inside sources because ya know, all good surprise parties have those.  And now, it's time for some pictures...

Sitting in the dark for 10 minutes

Amazing decorating

Funfetti<3

Haley loves cake...

Her reaction kinda made my night

Fact: they're going to prom together

Same brain. 

This all equals a super fun and sentimental night.  As for next Wednesday.  Let's just say I'll be a mess.  But then there's March 28th........... :D

Yeea Buddy

Just a little early birthday present...84 more days (or 12 weeks).  I'm pretty much stoked.  My week has been made.  The end. :D

Everything Happens for a Reason

"Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

Finding a way to start this blog was REALLY hard.  There's just soo much bouncing though my head right now.  So, about an hour ago I found out that my small group leader/one of my really good friends is moving in less than a month.  I kind of saw this coming, but nothing can really prepare you for the actual moment.  I would be lying if I said that I was totally fine when I found out; actually, in all honesty I was pretty much a mess, but I can't let any of this get me down.  I KNOW that God has some pretty amazing things planned that are going to come out of this, now if only I knew what they were...

Having moved 3 times in my life, I can understand both sides.  Moving somewhere where you know no one is scary to say the least, but when you let God take control, everything works out.  Yes, this is technically a "goodbye", but with every goodbye comes another reunion, and I can pretty much guarantee that there are some crazy reunions in the future.  

Alyssa, you've made a huge difference in my life and other people's lives as well.  It sucks that Fresno's losing you guys, but Paso Robles is pretty lucky!!  I know some pretty cool things are waiting for you there, but don't forget about all yours girls here!!  You're going to be seriously missed, but it's not like you're gone forever, right?  Love you like crazy, and I can't wait to see what God has planned.  

"There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound."  -Diana Cortes

2011 Flashback

2011 was an AMAZING year.  Yes, it had its highs and lows, but in the end, everything worked out.  And of course, there were many pictures...

Hume Lake 2011

Cayucos with Ali

San Francisco

TPing with Ali and Erica

TPing with Erica and Haley

OGN 2011

Riding in the trunk.  Nuff said

Hours and hours with these two

BROOMBALL

Millerton

Starbucks with them. The end.

Homecoming!!!!

Ali's party

Erica's party

Haley's surprise party

Thanksgiving at church...

4 coolest people ever

New Years Eve at Hume!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to imagine what 2012 has in store for me...