Just a bunch of jumbled mush

I have so much homework to do by Thursday, like it's not even funny.
I need to go to the gym or something today, or else I'm really going to regret going to Starbucks later.
Mondays without Starbs and Hannah are like incomplete.
Not looking forward to this rhetorical analysis.  Doesn't it just sound so fun?
PSAT tomorrow.  Whoopdefreakingdo.
I am so ridiculously sleep deprived, it's not even funny.
Scotty's Christmas album is just AMAZING.  Word's can't describe how happy it makes me.
Haunted Forest next week is going to be THEbomb.com.
I can't believe I just said thebomb.com...
A mongoose can totally kick a cobra's butt in a fight...
However, Jordyn Weiber's toes could beat basically anyone; and they could also crack walnuts.
CHRISTMAS NEEDS TO HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!  Ohmygosh I love Christmas sooo much!!
Fresno confuses the HECK out of me.  WHY is it like almost 90 this week?!
Last week's weather = PERFECTION, because everyone knows that sweater weather is better weather.
I need to stop worrying about the future and stuff...
...BUT at the same time, I need to figure out what the heck I'm doing with my life after high school.
Life after high school is rapidly approaching, and that thought alone scares me.
Honey badger don't care.
Aaaaaaaaaand that is all...time to go be productive

Searching for That "Reason"

"I don't know why bad things happen to us, but I have to believe that something good is going to come out of this. I don't know what that is. I really wish I did." This is probably one of my favorite lines in Soul Surfer, and I feel like I've gotten into conversations like this a lot lately.

Big or small, crappy things happen; it's a part of life. God always has a reason behind everything he puts us through, even if we can't see that reason at first. A lot of times, he wants to use us in ways he couldn't in a place we are comfortable in. I've found that he really likes pushing us out of our comfort zone, especially when we've become so accustomed to the way our life is going. Sometimes, in order to make us into the people he wants us to be, God has to first take us, break us, and mold us into something new. It's in these times when all we want to do is break down under the pressure that we need to pray continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18). Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Nothing happens that God doesn't know about. He has a plan, and although he may not reveal it all at once, he still occasionally gives us bits of his will for our lives. The process we sometimes have to go through in order to become the person he wants us to be may totally suck. It may yank us from anything and everything familiar, and it may feel like we've hit rock bottom, but the only place you can go from rock bottom is up. God is with us every step of the way, guiding and carrying us through this roller coaster we call life.

Press on even when it hurts and use the struggles to learn to rely on God more. Don't lose hope, and keep searching for that "reason." Despite how rocky the road may be, keep your head up because you are so so SO freaking loved. I swear you WILL figure out why all of this is happening if you let God lead you to it. Also remember that I'm here through every step of this crazy journey over the next few years. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! He has overcome the world." (John 16:33)

FROG

And no, not this kind of frog...

So, I've wanted to blog like all summer, but never could think of anything, but I finally got that "ohmygosh I feel a blog coming on" moment tonight when I was driving home from Starbucks.  Like honestly, I haven't had that feeling since March.  Going over 5 months without inspiration is kind of sucky, and definitely irritating, but my blogging dry spell is (hopefully) over!!

Tonight, like every other Monday night since before school started, I went to Starbucks to hang out with Hannah because that's what we do.  Lately, we've actually been getting into some really good conversations that make me not want to leave, despite the fact that it usually gets pretty close to 10 before I even consider leaving.  We were talking about church and small groups and all that jazz, and about this last like year or so.  Half of the time, we end up bouncing ideas off of each other, and it's been pretty cool seeing how God is working through that, and that's probably the main reason why I keep going (that, and the fact that it's Starbucks-uhduh!!-and Hannah.)  After she told me about life, and I gave her some pretty dang good ideas (if I do say so myself) and hopefully gave her something to think about, we moved onto my life and church and stuff.  If you know me, there's a really good chance you know that second semester last year was pretty difficult in a lot of ways for me.  Starting in January, it was a constant cycle of me asking "Why, God?!" and "Why aren't you hearing me?" when I should have been saying something more along the lines of "God, show me what you're doing in my life and help me use this to rely on you more."  That's actually been one thing that I've been reminded of time and time again, and somehow it never really clicks.  Naturally, I'm a really social person; I love being around people, and I'm always looking to them for advice.  I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but I think a lot of times I look to people before God because I want that immediate, physical answer, rather than trying to listen to God and find out what he's trying to tell me.  So Hannah and I were talking about it and she was like "You know, maybe God let this happen so you could rely on Him more."  Like not like he was doing it solely because of that, because obviously it's not all about me, but it was definitely something he wanted me to get out of it.  (And yes, I know I'm using a lot of vague pronouns, but if you've read pretty much any of my blogs since January, you know what I'm talking about.)

I still believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think that reason is more clear to me now.  Actually, I'm pretty sure God's been trying to tell me this for a while, and looking back at some of the stuff I wrote in my journal at OGN definitely ties into this.  After the first night, I wrote about how I felt like God wanted me to loosen the grips on some of my relationships, and focus on Him more because He is constant, while people aren't, but to be honest, I never really did anything further to work on that.  It's also crazy because one of my "resolutions" for this new school year was to not -and I hate to use this wording, but I can't think of any other way to say it- expect much from people, because humans will be humans, and we can be disappointing at times.  I was tired of having certain expectations, and having them broken or whatever, so I made it one of my goals this year to not "expect" as much out of people.  Then, of course, as I was thinking about that tonight, it all kind of tied in together.  I need to rely more fully on God and less on people, hence the title of this blog, FROG (Fully Rely On God.)  And no, I didn't come up with that one...unfortunately.

It feels great blogging again, and of course I had to make this super long.  And on a side note, tonight also reminded me of why I want to be a high school leader later in life; I kind of got a glimpse into the future when I was talking to Hannah and bouncing ideas off of her.  I have a lot to work on now, and I know it's going to be a struggle, but as long as I strive to rely more on God and less on people every day, I think I'll do pretty well...

Reading Through the Archives

Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Letting God take control of everything in your life can be REALLY scary, and I'm not just saying that.  I struggle with this daily, and fail most of the time.  It's extremely difficult to not have control of what's going to happen day to day, and as much as I like to think that I can control my life, I really can't in the end.  Trusting God to make everything work out has been a HUGE struggle over the last year and a half for me.  I know what I want to happen, and for some weird reason I think that I can control everything, when in reality, I can't, but GOD can.

‎"...trusting God means learning to let go of each moment so I am free to fully inhabit the next one. There is simply no call for me to try to control people or outcomes. Someone far better is already on that job." - John Ortberg

So, I guess I meant to post this right before New Years, but I'm kind of glad I didn't.  I was going through my drafts earlier, and found this post.  I think at this point in my life, I basically knew what was coming, even if everyone else didn't, but I'm stronger because of it.  Reading this has been an amazing reminder, especially with OGN coming in 2 days, but more blogs about THAT later!!

More Randomness

I just realized how long it's been since I've done an actual blog.  My life has been SOO crazy lately, and I can never find time to write; or think of anything to write, for that matter.  In 2 weeks my life is going to get 7458687673453876 times easier (THANK GOD!!)  This year's gone by ridiculously fast.  It's just starting to hit me that I'm going to be a junior soon.  I still have to tell myself that I'm 16 and can drive soon...very, very soon...
I am NOT looking forward to finals AT ALL, but it's life.  And sometimes life sucks a little bit, but finals means summer, which means freedom and the beach, so everything works out, right?  I'm super excited for this summer because honestly, I have no idea what it's going to bring, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be amazing!!

Pure Boredom and Procrastination...

1. Name - Jenna Schapansky
2. Nickname - JBear, J, Jtown, Jschap, Schapants (no joke), little narwhal (don't ask...)
3. Elementary school - Los Gatos Christian, Greenbrook, Neil Armstrong, and century
4. Tall or short - Average?
5. Sweats or jeans - SHORTS
6. Orange or apple - Tangerines
7. Do you have a crush on someone - does Scotty from Idol count...?
8. Eat or drink - Yes
9. Piercings - doubles on both ears
10. Pepsi or coke - Coke

Have you ever...
11. Been in an airplane? Yes
12. Been in a relationship? Been like thisclose to it...
13. Been in a car accident? Nope!!  Knock on wood...
14. Been in a fist fight? BAHAHA.  NO.  I'd lose.  The end.

Firsts & lasts
15. First piercing - I was like 9
16. First best friend - NIKKI
17. First award - I have no idea
18. First crush - El. Oh. El. Chad in kindergarten
19. First word - Duck.  No lies.
20. Last person you talked to in person - My dad...or brother.
21. Last person you texted - Ali
22. Last friend you watched a movie with - HUNGER GAMES with my dad, brother, Haley, and Brian
23. Last food you ate - M&M's
24. Last movie you watched in theaters - "May the odds be ever in your favor..."
25. Last song you listened to - Wind Beneath My Wings by Skylar Laine
26. Last thing you bought - Starbucks...
27. Last person you hugged - My parents?

Favorites
28. Food? Pizza
29. Drink? Pretty much anything from Starbucks.  Or Cranberry grapefruit Sobe
30. Flower? Hawaiian
31. Animal? Polar bears and narwhals....DUHHHHHH
32. Color? The color of my walls...and my sheets
33. Place? Point Loma, hands down.  And Hume, and Paso
34. Movie? Parent Trap, Hunger Games, and Mean Girls
35. Subject? I hate school

Have you ever ...
36. Fallen in love with someone? Nope
37. Celebrated Halloween? I am American, aren't I?
38. Went over the minutes/texts on your phone? I don't think so?
39. Wanted to smack someone upside the head? Pretty much every day
40. Eaten a whole pizza? No...
41. Did something you regret? Yeahh
42. Broke a promise? I'm human
43. Hid a secret? Same answer as above
44. Pretend to be happy? Doesn't everyone?

Your future...
45. Want kids? Of course
46. Want to get married? Absolutely!!
47. Career? I still have no idea...

Which is better in the opposite gender?
48. Lips or eyes - Eyes, no question about it
49. Shorter or taller - Taller, obv
50. Romantic or spontaneous - YES
51. Hook up or relationship - Relationship.  Someone please tell me why this is a question!!!!!!!!
52. Looks or personality - Both, please?

Have you ever...
53. Lost glasses/contacts? Sunglasses
54. Snuck out? Nope
55. Held a gun/knife for self defense? No
56. Broke someones heart? I really don't think so
57. Been in love? Nope
58. Been arrested? Well, um about that one.....no.

Do you believe in...
59. Yourself; I try
60. Miracles; absolutely
61. Love at first sight; I'd have to see it to believe it
62. Santa; Who doesn't?!?!
63. Forever & Always; until the day I die

TRUTHFULLY
64. Is there one person you want to be with right now: I can name a few
65. Who your real friends are: just when I think I know, something changes
66. Who makes you smile just by thinking about them: Pretty much all of my friends
67. Who is your best friend(s): Ali and Chels
68. Boy you trust the most: Let one of them prove it to me, then I'll tell you

Tying Loose Ends

Today was seriously one of the best days ever!!  Haley and I got to get up really early this morning and drive over to Paso Robles with my mom.  I've been looking forward to this for at least a month now, and it's crazy how fast time has passed.  I'm pretty sure the second we drove up to Alyssa's house Haley and I were busting up laughing, and the laughter really never subsided.  We had a crazy day full of driving, eating, shopping, yelling at the sun, taking TONS of pictures, freezing our butts off at the beach, watching movies, and more eating.  It was soooooo much fun, but I didn't know I'd actually learn something...

So, a couple months ago I had to deal with the whole moving thing and it totally sucked.  I knew that God had a plan and that it obviously happened for a reason, but I didn't know the exact reason.  That is, until today.  We were driving home from Morro Bay, and Long Live by Taylor Swift came on.  About a year ago, we officially dubbed this our song for senior year, and high school in general, so every time I hear the song, I kind of freak out.  (And a little side note, I totally didn't have that song on repeat while writing this or anything...) When the song started playing Alyssa just looked at me and was like, "Do you remember what I said about this and your senior year?"  And obviously I remembered; I remember pretty much everything.  Anyways, as the song was playing, and I was looking out the window, staring at the hills (and fog), and kind of just thinking about the last year or so and everything we had done today.  And all of a sudden, BAM, it hit me.  If she hadn't moved, today wouldn't have happened, like AT ALL.  We wouldn't have had a ride all day to drive us from beach to beach.  We wouldn't have had anywhere to go crash when it was too cold to do anything, and I probably would've been sitting in class, bored out of my mind.  I finally have something to do over the summer, and somewhere to escape when I need a break from Fresno, which kinda happens a lot.  It sucks not having Alyssa in town, and I still have those "ohmygosh I miss you; why aren't you still here?!" moments, but at the same time there are SOO many more opportunities now.  Sometimes, God can give us parts of answers at the weirdest times...